


So We Just Hold on Fast

by Linsky



Series: Gravity [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: First Time, Kissing Lessons, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:00:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9225833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linsky/pseuds/Linsky
Summary: “Maybe you should practice on me,” Jordie says.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guys I don't even know.
> 
> Okay, so I wrote this like six months ago. Then I didn't do anything with it for a while, in part because there were a lot of other stories happening. But I think it's time for it to be released into the world. Hope you enjoy. :D
> 
> Title from Vienna Teng, who probably does not deserve to be connected to this.
> 
> ([Tumblr](http://linskywords.tumblr.com/)! Also, I was recently told that I should tag better, so I'm gonna do that.)

Jamie’s fourteen, and Alicia Lucas has just agreed to with him to the ninth-grade spring semiformal.

It’s the first school dance he’s ever been able to go to. The others all overlapped with hockey or baseball, and obviously he wasn’t going to skip for a dance. But this one’s on a night without a game, and Alicia smiled at him in English class, and he asked her to go with him, and she said yes, and—

“It’s easy,” Tommy says during gym class. “You just pick her up at her house and tell her her dress is pretty and then you go to the dance.”

“Yeah, but then what?” Jamie asks.

Tommy shrugs. “You hang out like normal, but with better clothes and dancing. And kissing.”

Jamie fumbles his baseball glove. “Kissing?”

“Well, yeah,” Tommy says. “Alicia’s going to expect you to kiss her. Why do you think she said yes?”

Maybe that’s something Jamie should have known. But his hands are sweating. “I don’t know how to dance,” he says.

“Then you’d better be really good at kissing,” Tommy says with a sleazy-looking smile. Jamie throws his glove at him.

He tells his mom about the dance when he gets home. She gets all teary-eyed and smiley and asks him dumb questions like what Alicia’s going to wear—which, how would Jamie know?—and starts talking to herself about the places they should shop over the weekend. So Jamie’s pretty sure that part’s taken care of.

The other part, he tries not to think about until he has to. It’s not that he doesn’t want to kiss a girl—obviously he wants to—but, like…how do you make it happen? Do you just put your mouth near hers, and, like, smoosh them together? What if you miss?

He gets more and more stomach-twisty about it as the dance gets closer, and finally it’s Monday of the dance week, and it’s starting to make him feel sick.

When something’s not working in hockey, his coach always tells him to think about all the things he could do to fix it. Make a list and try each one. So Jamie does that during math class.

1) He could ask Tommy. But Tommy thinks he kissed a girl at baseball camp last summer, because Jamie panicked one time and blurted that out, so Jamie would have to admit he’d lied and Tommy would chirp him forever.

2) He could look it up online. But he doesn’t know how to do the thing where the search engine doesn’t remember what you asked it, and what if someone found it and knew why he was looking?

3) He could just fake it. That…might be okay. But what if Alicia gets disgusted and pushes him away? Even if she’s really nice about it, Jamie might be able to tell if she’s disappointed. He wants to sink into the floor just thinking about it.

4) He could ask Jordie.

That one…hm. It actually has some potential. Jordie’s two years older, so he’s almost definitely kissed a girl by now, and he’s usually pretty nice when Jamie asks him for help with things. He’d probably chirp him, but only a little.

It still makes Jamie’s face feel hot to think about asking. But the dance is on Friday, and he needs to know.

He decides to do it that afternoon, so that he doesn’t have time to lose his nerve. Also, if Jordie isn’t helpful, he’ll still have time to come up with a new plan.

Jordie’s up in his room when Jamie gets home from hockey practice. Their mom works until five most days, and Jenny’s at dance class, so he and Jordie are the only ones in the house.

Jamie bums around getting a snack downstairs for a while. Then he finally stops stalling and goes upstairs.

Jordie’s door is shut. Jamie knocks, feeling his pulse in his knuckles, and gets a “Yup.”

Jamie pushes the door open. Jordie’s sprawled on his bed, reading a comic book. His hair is still damp from his own practice. Jamie takes a step inside and shuts the door, hovering.

Jordie looks up from his comic. “Yeah?”

“Um.” It’s really hard to get the sound out. He thought about this—came up with some words that he repeated to himself on the way home from practice—but now his mind is totally blank. “Um, I was wondering.”

“Yeah?”

Jamie swallows. “There’s, uh. The dance. On Friday.”

“Okay.”

Jamie can’t remember what he usually does with his hands. Or his eyes. “And, um, I’m taking Alicia.”

“Yeah, sure.” It’s not mean, but it’s a little impatient.

Jamie takes a deep breath, the way he does when a game is about to start and he’s feeling nervous about it. He just has to say it; nothing too terrible is going to happen. “And. And Idon’tknowhowtokissher.”

Jordie cocks his head, frowns. “Sorry, what?” he says.

Jamie’s face is burning. “I don’t, um. I don’t know. Kissing.”

Jordie’s face breaks into a smile, like he thinks it’s really, really funny, and Jamie dies a little on the inside. “Okay, sorry, I’ll just,” Jamie mumbles, and goes for the door.

“No, wait!” Jordie says. He’s still smiling really wide, and Jamie can see how much he wants to laugh, and it’s awful. “No, it’s fine. So you’ve never kissed anyone, huh?”

Jamie looks at the floor. Maybe if he concentrates hard enough, he can actually become that greasy smear on the carpet.

“We can deal with that,” Jordie says. “But come sit down or something, okay? You’re all.” He waves a hand at Jamie.

Jamie isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean, but he stumbles over to sit on the bed.

Jordie’s still smiling at him when he sits down, but it’s a nicer smile now. He pulls his legs out of the way so Jamie has room. “Look, there’s not a lot to it. What kind of kissing are we talking about here?”

“I don’t—there are kinds?” Jamie says, and Jordie’s smile gets wider for a second, though he bites down on it fast like he’s trying to look serious.

“Just the basics, then,” Jordie says. “You really just—put your mouths together. It’s pretty easy.”

Jamie wishes people would stop saying things are easy when they’re obviously really confusing and difficult. “But, like. Put your mouths together how?”

“Um, I mean, your lips touch.” Jordie makes a face. “It’s kind of hard to describe it beyond that. Don’t, uh, press too hard, I guess?”

Jamie makes a frustrated noise. It’s just so hard to picture it. “What do your lips _do?”_

“They just, like, brush up against each other,” Jordie says. “Sometimes you can take one of her lips between both of yours.” He shrugs. “It’s…nicer than it sounds.”

It had better be, because right now it sounds weird and awful. “I just.” Jamie drops his head into his hands.

“Hey. Look.” Jordie puts a hand on his shoulder. “She probably won’t be any good at it either, okay? She’s fourteen. It’s not like she’s some makeout queen. She won’t care how you do it.”

Jamie makes an inarticulate noise into his hands. Or maybe she’ll know and laugh at him and he’ll be made fun of for years. He’ll never be able to kiss anyone else again, and maybe that’s fine, because it doesn’t sound that great the way Jordie’s talking about it, but everyone will know and he’ll never live it down. He’s kind of wishing he’d never agreed to go to this dance.

“Hm,” Jordie says. “Maybe you should practice.”

Jamie darts his eyes up to him. He’s expecting a mocking smirk, but Jordie looks totally serious. “What do you mean, practice?”

“Like, on me,” Jordie says, and Jamie jerks in surprise.

“Won’t that…be weird?” he says, and then instantly wishes he hadn’t, because maybe saying it’s weird makes it weird.

Jordie shrugs. “Whatever. I mean, you’re freaked out about it, right?”

Jamie ducks his head. “I just don’t know how to do it,” he mumbles.

“Right, okay,” Jordie says. “So try it on me, because you don’t care what I think, and then you’ll figure some stuff out so you won’t be bad at kissing Alicia.”

Jamie stares at him. Jordie just looks back.

It really does make sense, if Jamie, like…suspends his mind from it. “Okay,” he says, and as soon as he does his stomach goes funny. “Should I just, um.”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Jordie says.

He’s sitting at the head of the bed, back against the wall. Jamie eyes the feet of bed separating them and then kind of scoots forward, feeling awkward, until they’re almost touching but not quite.

Jordie just watches him, waiting.

Jamie’s eyes flick to Jordie’s mouth. It’s right there; he knows where it is; it shouldn’t be that hard to land on. But he still feels like he won’t be able to aim. “I guess I’ll just,” he mutters, and then feels dumb for speaking. He leans in a few inches. Then he pulls back and thinks maybe he should close his eyes, but that might make it harder to aim, and what if he kisses Jordie’s nose or his chin or something by accident?

Jordie’s grinning a little now. “Come on, it’s not that hard.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jamie says. His jaw is tense, practically chattering over the words.

He just has to do it. He leans in again, slowly, lining up their faces. It’s not as tricky to line them up as he thought. He pauses in front of Jordie’s mouth, feels the puff of Jordie’s breath on his skin. It’s weird.

He jerks back, eyes closed tight.

“I can’t,” he says, panic bursting like bubbles under his skin. “I just, I can’t.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jordie says softly. “Would it help if I kissed you the first time?”

Jamie keeps his eyes shut. He nods, jerkily.

He’s not expecting the touch when it comes. It’s light, so light: just Jordie’s lips brushing against his. It sends a zing down Jamie’s spine. Jordie’s lips are soft and a little chapped and make Jamie’s tingle. The way Jordie described it before, it sounded boring, but it’s not. It’s really not. “Oh,” Jamie says, and that means his mouth is open a little, and then so is Jordie’s, and their lips kind of fit together, way better than he thought they would. His blood pounds in his ears.

Jordie’s lips move against his, just a little, warm and wet, and a shiver goes over Jamie’s skin. Jamie pushes into it for a second, into the soft pressure of Jordie’s mouth, and then he pulls back, breathing hard.

His eyelids feel heavy when he blinks them open. Jordie’s looking at him in—surprise? shock?—and Jamie feels a spike of alarm. “Was that not…” he asks, but Jordie slides a hand up into his hair, and Jamie trails off to focus on that.

“That was good,” Jordie says. “Do you want to try?”

It’s not so hard to find Jordie’s mouth with his own this time, maybe because Jamie’s so focused on it. He just tilts his head blindly and Jordie’s mouth is right there. Jamie gasps into the feeling, and Jordie gentles their mouths together.

Something Jordie said floats back to him: taking someone’s lip between both of yours. He tries it, taking Jordie’s bottom lip between his and tugging a bit, and Jordie makes a sound that sparks a bloom of heat in Jamie’s stomach. He opens his mouth a little wider, and oh—Jordie’s tongue comes forward and licks at his lip, and Jamie’s stomach lurches like he’s going down a dip on a roller coaster. 

Jordie’s tongue slides forward, soft and wet and inside Jamie’s mouth. Jamie can’t help the moan he lets out. He slides his tongue against Jordie’s, and—oh, oh. He can feel it in his toes and the tips of his fingers and every centimeter of skin in between. He’s dizzy with it.

Jordie pulls his tongue away, and Jamie feels a sudden desperate edge of _no._ He wants it back with a fierce hunger that uncurls from his stomach and scares him. But then Jordie sucks—sucks Jamie’s tongue into his own mouth—and Jamie feels it like a head rush that makes him moan again.

He can’t hold back the little sounds he’s making as he explores Jordie’s mouth. Jordie’s hand keeps him steady, anchored in his hair, and Jamie sucks in return, so their tongues are in each other’s mouths and it’s all wet and soft and lush and Jamie thinks his heart is going to beat its way out of his chest. He’s never, ever imagined feeling like this.

When they finally break the kiss, they’re both panting. They breathe into each other’s mouths for a minute before Jamie gets it together enough to lift his head away.

Jordie looks dazed. His cheeks are pink and his mouth even pinker, shiny and wet. Jamie’s eyes zero in on it. He can’t think of anywhere to look that isn’t those lips. He watches them part a little, feels the jump in his chest.

“So,” Jordie says after a long minute. “I think that was pretty good.”

“Yeah?” Jamie still can’t look away from his mouth. He can feel his pulse in his own lips, in his throat. 

Jordie’s tongue flicks out, licks his lips. Jamie can’t help the little sound he makes.

“Yeah,” Jordie says. His voice is raspy. “I think…I think you’re good.”

“Okay.” Jamie pushes himself back, makes himself look away. “That was…good. Okay.”

“Yeah? You ready now?”

‘Uh-huh.” It’s hard to stand upright. He wanders away from Jordie’s bed feeling like the floor is wobbling under him. It takes him a minute to figure out how to work the doorknob. “I’ll just—thanks,” he remembers to say, and then makes his escape to his room.

He doesn’t think about putting his hand on his dick. He just does it, as soon as he’s lying on his bed, his head full of the slick slide of tongues and lips. He’s soaring, his pulse galloping through him, his hips thrusting up into his hand, and it’s barely a minute before he’s spilling over his own chest, back arching and head full of the most wonderful humming feeling.

So that was kissing. Jamie thinks he likes it.

***

He can’t stop thinking about it, actually. For the next few days, he can’t look at Jordie without remembering. His eyes will stop on Jordie’s mouth, and he’ll go hot and flushed and dizzy. At one point they’re eating dinner, and Jamie gets so distracted by Jordie’s tongue licking soup off his spoon that his mom asks him if he’s feeling sick and wants to lie down.

“No, I’m good,” he mumbles, and looks down at his own soup. He can feel his cheeks burning.

Sometimes he thinks about it when Jordie isn’t there. In class; walking between periods; sitting on the bench between drills in practice. He’ll get caught on the memory of Jordie’s lips sliding against his. Jordie sucking Jamie’s tongue into his mouth. The feel of his breath hot against Jamie’s face.

Jamie never knew. He never knew touching someone could feel like that. He’s really looking forward to the dance now, because if kissing Jordie was that good—his brother, a boy—kissing Alicia has to be even better.

He’s in the kitchen on Thursday, the day before the dance, when Jordie comes in. Jamie doesn’t turn to look, but he can feel Jordie’s presence with his whole body. He busies himself with the toaster.

“Hey,” Jordie says, and then Jamie has to turn and look at him.

He’s closer than Jamie expected, just a few feet away by the sink. Jamie’s eyes drop immediately to his mouth, and he forces himself to look away. Focus on the toast.

“You ready for the dance tomorrow?” Jordie asks, and the words go through Jamie like a wave of heat.

For a second, he lets himself imagine what would happen if he said no. If he said he needed more practice. The way Jordie would move towards him—he’d push him up against the counter, maybe, hold Jamie in place with his body, and then their lips would meet. Jamie’s mouth goes wet at the thought.

“Um,” he says, swallowing. “Yeah. I think so.”

Jordie doesn’t look away. Jamie can still feel him, see him out of the corner of his eye, hovering near the sink. So close.

Jamie looks back up at him, and their gazes lock. Jordie’s eyes…Jamie’s not sure exactly what he’s seeing there, but it makes his pulse ratchet up. The air goes intense and still around the two of them.

He could still say it. He could still open his mouth and…

The toaster pops. Jordie looks away. Jamie feels his lungs deflate.

“Sounds good,” Jordie says, and then he claps Jamie on the back—quick, barely there—and leaves the room.

Jamie sags against the counter. He doesn’t know what that was, but he can still feel the way Jordie was looking at him. Can feel it buzzing all up and down his spine.

***

His mom is going to drive him to the dance on Friday, and they’re picking Alicia up at seven. Jamie gets home from school Friday afternoon and puts on his suit right away. Then he realizes that they aren’t leaving for four hours and takes it off. Then he puts it back on so he can practice tying the tie.

Jordie comes in while Jamie’s finishing the knot for the third time. He stands there and watches, and it makes Jamie’s fingers clumsy and slow on the fabric.

He finishes, finally, and turns to face Jordie. “Well?” he says, only a little shakily, and holds his arms out for Jordie to see.

Jordie’s eyes trace from his feet up to his shoulders. Jamie feels like his skin is warm wherever Jordie’s looking.

“Looking good, bro,” Jordie says.

“I guess I’m ready,” Jamie says, the metallic taste of adrenaline in his mouth, and Jordie’s eyes snap to his. Jordie leans closer and—

His lips press against Jamie’s cheek, gentle and warm. “I guess you are,” he says.

Then he leaves. Jamie’s breathing a little fast, the skin of his cheek tingling.

***

Alicia’s purple dress is awesome, and Jamie tells her that. She smiles and ducks her head and then looks at him with eyes that are big and happy.

The dance is kind of awkward, but fun. Jamie still doesn’t know how to dance, but he just copies what everyone else does, and Tommy and a bunch of Jamie’s other friends dance in a group with them. Jamie likes the feeling of having a lot of people around but also one person who’s here especially with him, someone who smiles back every time he catches her eye.

There are a few slow songs later in the evening, and those are more nerve-wracking. Jamie has to figure out where to put his hands and how close to stand and how to move his feet. He has to sneak glances at all the other couples before he figures out that he should put his hands on Alicia’s waist. It must be the right thing to do, because she puts her hands around his neck, no problem, and then they’re face to face, dancing.

It isn’t bad, but it’s a little awkward. They’re too close for normal conversation but far enough apart that they’re still looking at each other. Jamie isn’t sure what to do with his eyes.

It would probably be easier if they were kissing. He keeps darting glances at her to see if she wants that. It’s hard to tell: she’s looking back at him sometimes, kind of shy, but she’s not looking at his mouth the way Jordie did. He doesn’t want to read it wrong, so he lets the song pass without doing anything. He can always kiss her later.

He still hasn’t done it by the end of the night when they announce the final song. He’s starting to feel a little panicked, because he doesn’t want to let the dance go by without trying something. He still can’t tell if she’s just looking at him because he’s there, or if she’s waiting for something—but he remembers Tommy saying that she’ll expect it. So the next time she looks up at him, he holds her gaze for a second and then leans in.

He doesn’t miss her mouth. He was still a little worried about that, even after Jordie. But he lands right on her lips and presses against them and it’s…

Well, it’s okay. Basically.

It’s kind of…boring, actually. It feels a lot like it did with Jordie, except that there’s no warm bubbly feeling that goes with it. Jamie moves his lips a little, thinking that will help, but it’s still just, you know, lips. It feels kind of like how it had sounded when Jordie had described it, but not at all like how it felt when they tried it.

Jamie must be doing it wrong. He remembers what he tried with Jordie and takes one of her lips between his, soft and wet, and pulls a little. Alicia makes an _mm_ sound and melts against him, and he feels—

Nothing. Not really. He can feel her lips against his, but the rest of his body isn’t joining in on it. It’s like he’s entirely disconnected.

When his heart does start beating faster, it’s because of panic. He breaks the kiss and pulls back and sucks in air.

Alicia’s looking up at him with heavy-lidded eyes. She looks half-drunk, even though they’ve both been staying away from the punch. She smiles at him, slowly. He forces himself to smile back and finish the dance.

***

Panic is still tightening his muscles when he gets home. Alicia took his hand in the backseat of the car, and it should have been nice, but it was just a hand.

He goes into his own room and takes off his tie and hangs it in the closet, dropping it twice in the process. Then he hovers by his own door for a few minutes before heading across the hall.

Jordie’s lying face-down on his bed, reading a book.

“I think I did it wrong,” Jamie blurts out as soon as he’s inside the door.

Jordie raises an eyebrow. He’s just in boxers and a t-shirt, and Jamie’s eyes snag on the place where his shirt’s riding up. “What do you mean?” Jordie asks.

“When I…kissed Alicia.” He nudges the door shut behind him, feels awkward about it. “It wasn’t…”

Jordie sits up, looks at him like—like he’s uncertain. Not like the cocky older brother Jamie’s used to at all. “Did…you want to try again?”

Heat prickles rush from Jamie’s scalp to his toes. He nods.

He feels almost outside of his own body as he goes to the bed. Displaced, like this isn’t quite happening. He sits down next to Jordie, cross-legged, and Jordie’s mouth is right there, teeth sunk into the pink swell of his bottom lip. Jordie leans forward and then—

They’re kissing, and Jamie _does_ know how to do this, because just the touch of Jordie’s lips against his is enough to have him gasping. He flicks out his tongue right away, and there’s Jordie’s hand again, sliding around the back of his neck and angling his head. Jamie sinks into it, licking along the edge of Jordie’s lip and then into his open mouth, into all that heat and wet. Jordie’s tongue meets his and Jamie groans.

Yeah, okay. This is what he remembered. The way his whole body is getting into it, stomach flipping and thighs hot and pulse pounding. The warmth of Jordie’s mouth on his is fuzzing over everything else in his brain. Jordie strokes his tongue through Jamie’s mouth and then along the inside of Jamie’s lower lip, sending shivers everywhere, and Jamie slides his own hand up into Jordie’s hair to keep him there. He’s gasping for breath, straining for it as much as he can without letting Jordie’s mouth go, and then Jordie gets his teeth in Jamie’s lower lip and nips—

Jamie lets out a strangled sound and pushes closer. He doesn’t have a plan, really—is too drugged with the taste of Jordie’s mouth to plan—but he needs more, needs to be closer, and Jordie slides his hands down Jamie’s back and helps pull him up to straddle his lap. Then Jamie can get as close as he wants, slinging an arm around Jordie and moving in while they kiss until _oh fuck_ —

The hardness of Jordie’s cock bumping up against his is like a jolt of straight electricity. Jamie cries out and rolls his hips, and Jordie hisses between his teeth and slides a hand down to Jamie’s ass. His hand there feels almost as good as his cock nudging Jamie’s. It makes Jamie moan and squirm until both Jordie’s hands are on his ass, and that’s even better: now Jordie can grind up against Jamie while Jamie clings to his shoulders and kisses him.

They’re both sweating by now. Jamie’s suit is going to be ruined, but he doesn’t care when Jordie’s cock is rubbing against his. He’s never felt like this: like he’s on fire, like he’s going to die if something doesn’t happen soon. Each time he pushes his cock against Jordie’s, it feels better than the last time, so he keeps doing it, faster and faster.

He and Jordie are barely kissing now, just gasping against each other’s mouths as they rut together frantically. Jamie can feel it crashing down over him the second before it hits: a bone-shattering orgasm that makes him arc up into Jordie and shake and shake, and Jordie whines and thrusts up faster and makes everything blindingly bright before he’s coming, too.

There are a few limp moments of the best kind of blankness after that. Jamie’s head is fuzzy and empty of anything that’s not the glow in his body or Jordie’s shoulder under his head. Then Jordie falls backwards, pulling Jamie with him so he’s sprawled across Jordie’s chest.

They lie there quietly for a few minutes. Jamie feels himself wanting to go tense. Wanting to ask questions, even though he doesn’t have the words to ask him. But Jordie’s arm is tight around him and his t-shirt is soft under his cheek, so Jamie just closes his eyes and breathes deep and lets himself feel amazing.

***

Jamie jerks off twice that night when he finally goes to his own room and once more the next morning. As soon as he looks at Jordie over breakfast, his face goes blazing hot and he ducks his head over his pancakes.

“Can Jamie and I go swimming?” Jordie asks their parents as they’re cleaning up, and Jamie’s stomach fills with molten heat.

It’s unseasonably hot for April, so maybe that’s the only reason Jordie asks. But Jamie follows him down to the swimming hole behind their house and can’t help staring at the line of his bare shoulders. Jordie has really nice shoulders. Jamie’s never wanted to look before, but now he can’t look at any part of Jordie’s body without his own body going all floaty and hot.

Everything seems normal at the swimming hole. They’re silly, both of them trying to push each other in before Jamie finally succeeds, and Jordie looks outraged as his head bobs above the water. He holds out his hand, like he’s asking to be helped up, and Jamie grins and takes it even though he knows he’s going to be pulled in.

They splash around for a while in the freezing water, still roughhousing the way they normally would. But Jamie’s aware of Jordie’s body near his in a way he never was before. There are a lot of hands brushing skin: shoulders and waists and one fiery time the curve of Jamie’s ass. Jordie’s hair sparkles in the light, and Jamie keeps getting glimpses of his face, smirking or smiling or laughing with mouth open, bright as the sun flashing on the water.

Jordie gets him in a hold at one point, arms sliding around him, and Jamie thinks about breaking it. But then he turns his head and his forehead brushes Jordie’s chin, and the air is hot with their mingled breath, and he lifts his head a little and they’re kissing.

It goes deep fast, the two of them clinging to each other and scrabbling for more, opening their mouths and breathing hard through their noses as they melt into the kiss. Then, a moment later, sputtering as they sink into the water.

They come up laughing. Jamie sees Jordie’s face mid-laugh and has to kiss him again, and that only lasts for a second before they start to sink. “Fuck this,” Jordie says, and tows him over to where they can stand and kisses him again.

It’s hot and hungry and thrills Jamie down to his toes. Jordie’s lips are cool with river water and eager on Jamie’s. They’re under an overhang, so no one can see them from the road, and Jamie gives his hands permission to roam across Jordie’s water-slick skin. The water is too cold for him to get really hard, but he can feel his pulse in his cock ramping up as Jordie feeds it with kisses. He wraps his legs around Jordie’s waist, letting Jordie hold him up easily with the help of the water, and presses his half-hard cock to Jordie’s stomach where warm skin meets cold water as they kiss and kiss and kiss.

It’s bliss; it’s peace; it’s simmering hunger. Jamie lets himself get lost in the slow glide of Jordie’s lips and tongue against his until there’s nothing else in his head.

They break for air eventually, foreheads pressed together and mouths open to gasp at the muggy breeze. Jamie feels like he’s drifting on something, something like the river but warmer, better, safer.

“Is this wrong?” he whispers.

Jordie’s arms are firm around his back, holding him up. “I guess it probably is,” he says. “But.” He runs a hand up Jamie’s side, the sensitive skin over his ribs, and Jamie shudders.

“But I don’t want to stop,” Jamie says.

“Me neither,” Jordie says, and it’s a little desperate, so Jamie puts his legs down so that he can push up against Jordie and kiss him hard.

When they break apart, Jordie looks dazed. “Go back inside?” he says, and Jamie manages to nod, climb out of the swimming hole without slipping and falling.

They talk about normal stuff on the walk back from the swimming hole, hockey, comics, what they’re doing this weekend. But whenever Jamie meets Jordie’s eye, there’s so much else there. Like the conversation is just the dappled sun on the surface of the river, and the rest of it is deep and warm and just waiting for them to sink into it.

Jamie doesn’t jerk off in the shower. He wants to, but he thinks about Jordie’s look when they split up to clean off, and he gets out of the shower and goes back to his room and puts on shorts and lies down on the bed with a comic.

Jordie comes in a few minutes later, damp from his own shower. Jamie sits up.

They don’t speak; their eyes lock, and Jordie comes toward him and sinks down on the floor between Jamie’s knees. Jamie gets his hands in Jordie’s hair and tilts his head up and kisses him again.

Like this, Jordie is a feast: warm and close and open-mouthed. Jamie’s hands tangle in the short hair by Jordie’s nape, where he can feel the tendons in his neck shifting as Jordie kisses him. Jordie kisses slowly but hungrily, nipping at his lips and feeding the fire in Jamie’s belly. Jamie’s whole body is tingling. He gropes at Jordie blindly, hooking his ankles behind Jordie’s back and pulling him close.

This is _making out,_ Jamie thinks. He wasn’t really sure what it was before this whole thing with Jordie started—just knew it as a fuzzy word for something that was sort of like kissing but longer, or something. But he’s pretty sure this is it, the way he can’t keep his mouth or his hands off Jordie. This is them making out.

Jordie’s stomach rubs against Jamie’s cock, and Jamie shivers and groans. He presses into it to get more friction. Jordie’s fingers play with the edge of his shorts and brush the skin beneath and make it all tingly and sensitive. One of his hands slides over to Jamie’s stomach, and oh, that’s new. That’s—Jamie pants into Jordie’s hair as Jordie thumbs open the button of his shorts. Then Jordie’s hand is there—right there—

Jordie brushes a thumb against the head of Jamie’s cock through his briefs, and Jamie’s eyes roll back in his head. It’s a good thing their parents and Jenny are outside, because he moans, loud. “Shh,” Jordie says, and closes his hand around the cloth-covered shaft and licks into Jamie’s mouth.

Jamie can’t think anymore. He’s whimpering into the kiss and bucking into Jordie’s grasp, into the hand on his cock that’s blowing the top of his head off, and it’s not going to take long now. If Jordie just tightens his hand a little—strokes once, twice more, he’s gonna—

Jordie takes his hand away. Jamie whines and thrusts against nothing.

“Can I take these off?” Jordie whispers, fingers at the top of Jamie’s briefs.

“Jordie,” Jamie says. He can barely make his mouth move for how badly he wants Jordie’s hand back on his cock. “Please, Jordie.”

Jordie’s eyes are blown wide, the pupils large and dark in a way Jamie didn’t even know they could get. He flicks his tongue out and licks his kiss-swollen lips, and Jamie feels like he’s going to burn up from the inside. _“Please,_ ” he says again, and Jordie makes a strangled noise and pulls down Jamie’s briefs.

Jamie has about a quarter of a second of feeling awkward at his dick bobbing in the air before the way Jordie’s staring at it just starts being really hot. Jordie reaches out and runs his fingertips over it and—

“Argh,” Jamie says, straining towards the touch, because this feels a million times better than Jordie’s fingers through the cloth and he thinks maybe Jordie should keep doing it forever. Maybe they could both drop out of school and get full-time jobs stroking each other’s dicks, because eight hours a day seems like almost enough time for this. Almost enough time for Jordie’s fingers to run lightly up the shaft, exploring, making sparklers go off inside Jamie’s stomach, sliding up and down the foreskin and brushing the slit in the head.

_“Jordie.”_ Jamie fists his hands in the sheets and bends until he feels like his spine is going to crack. “Just, please— _aaaah!”_ He cuts off with a cry, because Jordie’s bending down and now his mouth—his _tongue_ —

Jordie’s tongue laps delicately at Jamie’s slit, and then his lips touch the head around it, and Jamie is gasping for breath and writhing and he might actually die. He’ll die from feeling too good because now the flat of Jordie’s tongue is rubbing against his foreskin, and his lips are sliding down over the head, and it’s all wet and blazing hot and Jamie’s balls are drawing tight, everything ramping up and tipping over and—

Jordie sucks hard, and that’s it, Jamie’s shouting and coming down Jordie’s throat and feeling the most amazing he’s ever felt.

He collapses backwards onto the bed afterward. His whole body is throbbing with heat, delicious and golden and glorious. He can still feel the imprint of Jordie’s lips there, around his cock.

“Oh fuck, Jamie,” Jordie says, and Jamie laughs. He reaches out a hand, but Jordie’s using both of his to strip his pants off as fast as humanly possible. His cock slaps his belly once his briefs are down, red and shiny at the tip. Jamie stops laughing to stare at it, his stomach flipping over.

“You just look so—” Jordie says, and this time when Jamie reaches out a hand, Jordie takes it, straddling Jamie and fisting his cock, lip caught between his teeth and eyes heavy-lidded and breath heaving, and Jamie—Jamie gets to touch him, run his hands over Jordie’s stomach and chest. Jordie gives a little moan, and then it breaks off into a gasp as Jamie brushes over a nipple. That’s—interesting; that’s really…Jamie circles the nipple with his fingertip, and it swells under his touch, getting peaked and hard. It’s an accident when he scrapes a fingernail over it, but Jordie makes this punched-out sound, so Jamie does it again, digging in harder and harder as Jordie’s hand moves faster and his own cock twitches under Jordie’s ass.

He’s not planning to get hard again, but Jordie jerking himself off like this on top of him is making his blood run hot. Jamie whimpers and thrusts up against Jordie’s ass, and Jordie curses and grinds down and comes: spurting out of his fist, striping Jamie’s chest with wet heat.

“Oh my God,” Jordie says, hanging over Jamie and leaning heavily on his hands, “oh my God,” and Jamie can only stare. He runs a hand through the come on his chest and Jordie hisses and looks up to meet Jamie’s eyes. “Are you—can you, again—”

“Yeah,” Jamie says, and reaches down to tug his cock with a hand that’s wet with—oh, fuck, Jordie’s come—and Jordie’s staring at him, watching his hand avidly as it moves, and Jamie doesn’t last very long.

He’s sticky and gross afterward, but Jordie’s lying against his side and Jamie feels way too good to move.

“I feel like…we should have been doing this before,” Jamie says sleepily after a bit.

Jordie laughs from his spot with his head on Jamie’s shoulder. “I don’t think we would have wanted it much earlier than this.”

“It’s so good, though,” Jamie says, dreamy, and he’s not even sure what he’s saying anymore. He feels sort of like he could say anything, while they’re like this, and it would be okay. It’s…really nice.

“You’re so good,” Jordie whispers, and Jamie feels a flush of pleasure all through his body that just makes things better.

***

Jamie has another shower after that, and they go outside to help their dad with the lawn. It’s weird, sitting there weeding flowerbeds with Jordie twenty feet away and their dad between them with no idea. No idea that Jamie just had Jordie’s naked body up against him, that he saw him come.

It’s also weird when Jordie passes near Jamie and Jamie wants to reach out to him and he can’t. He feels like an addict. It’s only been a few hours, but he already wants it again. They all go in for lemonade after, and he has to fight not to stare at Jordie’s mouth while he drinks.

After they’re done with the lemonade, Jamie corners Jordie in the bathroom and licks the taste of it out of his mouth. It’s just as good as he thought it would be, even when they have to adjust themselves before going to help their dad with the car.

They go their separate ways when it’s time to get ready for bed, and Jamie lies in the dark and waits till their mom comes by to say good night. Then he lies in the dark some more, and he thinks maybe they’re not doing anything tonight. But then, what if Jordie’s thinking the same thing, that Jamie doesn’t want to? What if he’s just waiting for Jamie to come over, so that they can pull down their pajamas and slide up against each other and Jordie can put his mouth—

Jamie’s cock is stiffening in his pajama pants. He slips out of bed and tiptoes down the hall, and his pajamas don’t stay on for very long after that.

***

He’s in a daze Monday at school. He and Jordie got each other off a half-dozen times on Sunday, some of which involved Jamie’s mouth on Jordie’s cock, and Jamie can’t stop thinking about it. He keeps trying to focus on the teacher, and then he’ll get a flash of what Jordie’s ass felt like under his hands or the way the hair around Jordie’s cock tickled his nose and he’ll be gone again.

He’s so distracted that he doesn’t even notice at first when Alicia comes up to talk to him. “So, that was fun this weekend,” she says, and for a second Jamie freezes and thinks, how does she know? But then he realizes she’s talking about the dance.

“Um, yeah,” he says.

“Would you maybe…” She’s fiddling with the edge of the books. “I don’t know, would you want to do it again sometime?”

_No,_ is Jamie’s first thought. Alicia’s fun and all, but the idea of hanging out with her more does nothing for him. He can’t say that, though. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he says. “I mean, with hockey and baseball and stuff, I don’t really have time.”

“Oh.” Her face falls. “Um, yeah, sure. Sorry to bug you.”

He feels bad about the way she rushes off before he can say he’s sorry, too. But he still doesn’t want to go out with her.

Practice that day seems to take forever. Jamie’s really fast in the showers, and then he sits on the bench and jiggles his leg until the rest of his carpool is ready to go. He races in the door as soon as he’s dropped off, and there’s Jordie in the kitchen, and then—

They’re kissing, right there in the middle of the kitchen, pushing up against each other, and Jamie’s already half-hard. He feels like it’s been weeks instead of hours. He wants Jordie naked, all the way, and he wants it now.

Jordie pulls away from the kiss first. “Not here,” he says, gasping a little. “We can’t—ever. Not here.”

Jamie nods. That makes sense. Except that Jordie’s mouth is right there, and—

“Shit, okay, come on,” Jordie says, and they barely make it to his room before their clothes are off. Then Jamie gets his mouth around Jordie’s cock, and he loves, loves, loves this, especially the way Jordie starts to shake and make little noises when he’s about to come.

He doesn’t mean to get off while he’s sucking Jordie’s cock, but then Jordie fills his mouth with come and it should be gross, Jamie knows that, but the next thing he knows he’s swallowing in great gulps and shooting into his own hand.

Jordie props himself up on his elbows and looks at him with wide eyes. “Holy fuck, get up here,” he says, and they lie there and kiss until both of them are good to go again.

***

They get into a routine after that: whoever gets home from practice first will go to their room, and the other will join them there. They usually have thirty or forty minutes before anyone else gets home, which is long enough for both of them to come at least once.

One day they mistime it and are too loud when their mom is home, and she knocks on the door right after Jamie comes. “Are you boys okay?” she says. “I heard shouting.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jamie calls as Jordie stiffens against him, his cock still in Jamie’s hand. “I just stubbed my toe.”

“Okay,” she says. “Dinner in thirty,” and then Jamie has to jerk Jordie off really, really quietly, both of them trying not to laugh until Jordie’s just trying not to moan. Jamie has to muffle his sounds with his mouth.

It’s an afternoon a couple of weeks into things when Jamie’s on top of Jordie, grinding their cocks together, and Jordie’s getting really into playing with his ass. Kneading the cheeks, digging his fingers in and making Jamie moan, and it all feels good until Jordie gets his fingers into the crack and brushes one along Jamie’s hole and _oh holy shit that’s amazing_ and Jamie is coming all over Jordie’s stomach.

“Oh wow,” Jordie says when Jamie is lying limply against his side. Jordie’s cock is still hard and red against his stomach, but he’s not touching it: he’s still got his hands on Jamie’s ass, running one finger lightly over the hole. “Does that feel good?”

Jamie shivers every time Jordie’s finger flicks his rim. “Yeah.”

Jordie’s finger stops on his hole, pressing more firmly. “How about this?”

Jamie moans as the pressure makes everything tingle in his groin and thighs. “Y-yeah,” he says, and he mouths wetly at Jordie’s pec as Jordie rubs circles into the little bud of muscle. “Yeah, come on,” he says, shoving his ass back into Jordie’s touch, because whatever this is, he wants more of it, more.

Jordie gets him off that way, fingers pushing against his asshole while Jamie ruts against his leg. Jamie blows him after, and it’s very, very quick.

The next day Jordie has a thing of Vaseline on his bed. Jamie gives it a weird look, but Jordie grins. “You’ll see,” he says.

This time when they start making out, Jordie’s hand goes to his ass pretty quick, but today his finger over Jamie’s hole feels slick. Slippery. It means he can move it way faster, and Jamie starts panting in no time, pushing into the touch and into Jordie’s hand on his cock. It feels like the pressure on his hole is pushing on the _back_ of his cock, almost, like it’s all getting tangled up into one thing, and then the tip of Jordie’s finger pops into his hole and Jamie comes in a shaking mess.

Jamie uses the Vaseline to jerk Jordie off, and it’s a hundred times better that way, everything smooth and easy. Jordie’s cock is so hot and thick in his hand, and with the way Jamie’s ass is tingling right now, it makes Jamie think of…things. Things he’s heard talked about and maybe remembered a little too vividly.

“Um,” he says, when Jordie’s come under his hand and is stroking Jamie’s hair sleepily. “What if you sort of, um…what if you put your dick inside of me?”

He can feel the jolt of surprise going through Jordie’s body. “Fuck,” Jordie says. It’s more a groan than anything else.

Jamie’s face feels hot. He hides it in Jordie’s shoulder. “Do you think it would, like, fit?”

Jordie haul him up till they’re face to face. “Fuck yeah, it would,” he says, and kisses Jamie until they’re rutting against each other and using the Vaseline and the come from their first orgasms to make everything slidey and wonderful.

“Tomorrow,” Jordie says when they’re coming down again. “We’ll make sure we have time for it.”

Jamie shivers against him.

***

He thinks about it that night. They don’t sneak into each other’s rooms at night anymore—safer to do things when no one else is home—but he still jerks off in his own bed. He imagines something bigger than Jordie’s fingertip inside him, imagines Jordie leaning over him and shoving in, and he presses his own fingers against his hole and comes with his mouth open on a silent cry.

He can’t stop thinking about it, all the next day. It’s as bad as the first day after he and Jordie hooked up: he tries to focus on the teacher, but his mind keeps sliding away to what’s going to happen when he gets home. Just one fingertip in his ass felt so good, and now Jordie’s going to do way more than that. Fill him up so much, until it’s all Jamie can feel. Put his entire cock inside Jamie’s ass and thrust.

He gets so turned on thinking about it during History that he raises his hand and asks to go to the bathroom, and then he dashes into the far stall and jerks off furiously until he comes into the palm of his hand. Then he sags onto the toilet seat and fishes his phone out of his pants and texts Jordie, _just u know what in the bathroom thinking about tonight._

His phone doesn’t buzz for a minute or two. Then it’s Jordie, saying, _FUCK._

Jamie’s jittery again when he gets back from practice. He beats Jordie home, so he’s lying in his bed, wondering if he should go ahead and take off his boxers like he usually does, but when Jordie gets home he hauls Jamie into the bathroom.

“I just showered after practice,” Jamie says when Jordie gets the shower running.

“Yeah?” Jordie says. “And how well did you clean back there?”

Jamie feels himself flush. He didn’t, obviously, in a locker room full of other guys.

“Right,” Jordie says, and pulls him into the shower.

They haven’t showered together before, mostly because they’re always coming from practice, and by the time they’re usually done and in need of another shower, it’s too late to risk it. But it’s really nice pressing up against Jordie under the hot water. Neither of them needs to clean much, so they make out for a while and then Jordie gets his hands on Jamie’s ass.

At first it’s a lot like what he was doing before, running his fingers down Jamie’s crack and rubbing at his hole. Then he gets his fingers slick with soap and slides one of them inside.

“Oh.” Jamie goes limp against Jordie’s chest. It’s more than just the tip this time, and Jamie can feel it intruding. It’s weird, like maybe he needs to go to the bathroom, but not quite the same.

“Yeah?” Jordie says. “You want two?”

Jamie’s not sure what two will feel like, but he knows he wants to find out. He nods.

Two is a lot. Jamie clings to Jordie as he slides them slowly in and out, pressing against Jamie’s walls. It hurts a little, but not a lot, and Jamie’s getting used to it when they start going deeper and all of a sudden Jamie’s gasping, cock springing to full hardness as Jordie strokes against something that feels amazing.

He’s mumbling things against Jordie’s shoulder, and one of the things is, “What is that.” Jordie laughs softly against his ear.

“Prostate, I think,” he says. “I looked some stuff up.”

He sounds kind of embarrassed. Jamie lifts his head and kisses the pink of his cheeks, the red of his mouth.

God. Every time Jordie puts his fingers there. Jamie wants to bounce on them like a pogo stick. Jordie moves his fingers faster, and Jamie stops kissing properly, just gasps against Jordie’s mouth as he finger-fucks him.

Then Jordie takes his fingers out, and Jamie whines. “Easy,” Jordie says with a laugh. “Time for bed.”

They have to dry each other off first, though, and that’s another new kind of fun: rubbing a towel all over Jordie’s body, feeling Jordie rub him down in exchange. Jamie’s turned on enough that the roughness of the towel tingles everywhere it touches. Both of their cocks are standing up now, bobbing a little as they move.

It’s one of the times it’s really good there’s no one else home. Their cocks are really obvious in how they tent their towels on the way back from the bathroom.

Then they’re in Jordie’s room and the Vaseline is out and Jordie’s fingers are slick as they move between Jamie’s asscheeks.

Jamie sighs in relief when the first one dips in. He clenches down on it right away. His ass felt so empty after Jordie took his fingers out in the shower, so wrong.

Jordie’s kneeling above him, watching him carefully. “Good?” he asks, and Jamie nods, holding his eyes.

Jordie works up to two pretty quickly. Jamie is prickling with sweat, breathing deep as Jordie nudges deeper and deeper. Almost there—almost—

“Ah,” Jamie says, a low cry, as Jordie gets his prostate. He can feel his mouth falling open and knows it must look dumb but doesn’t care. The brushes against his prostate are twinging across his body in the best possible way, and precome is dripping on his stomach. He rocks his hips into Jordie’s fingers.

“Three?” Jordie asks, and three is even better.

“Fuck, you really like this,” Jordie says in a low voice, and Jamie is falling apart too much to answer. He’s not sure what the rest of his body is doing, but basically all of him is searching out more of this feeling, the fullness of Jordie’s fingers inside him, twisting him open. Sliding in and out, in and out, in in in, slippery and amazing…

Jordie jabs his prostate harder and makes Jamie shudder and his eyes roll back. “Do you want…” Jordie asks.

“Yes,” Jamie manages to say. “Come on, Jordie, you _said—_ ”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Jordie says, and Jamie catches sight of his hand slicking up his cock. Thick and solid and Jamie really hopes he doesn’t come before that cock is in him, really hopes because he wants it so bad. So, so bad.

“Gonna fuck you,” Jordie says, leaning over to kiss Jamie on the mouth. Jamie kisses hungrily, and Jordie’s tongue in his mouth is good but not what he wants. He bucks his hips up, and Jordie laughs a little, shaky. “Getting there.”

“Now,” Jamie whines, and Jordie nips at his lip but then his cock is there, lining up and pushing and—

It hurts. It’s more than three fingers. Jamie cries out in a way that’s not all good, and Jordie’s hands are there, stroking up his sides. “Does it hurt? Should I stop?”

“No, keep going,” Jamie says.

“Maybe I didn’t stretch you enough,” Jordie says. His eyes are dark and worried. “The website said three fingers was probably enough, but—”

“Just, um,” Jamie says. “Slow.”

Jordie doesn’t look quite convinced, but he pushes in some more, really slowly. He rocks a little, back and forth, going farther in, and Jamie clenches a hand around his forearm. “Wait,” he says.

Jordie waits. He waits and runs a hand over Jamie’s torso, playing with his nipples while Jamie breathes deep and tries to relax his muscles.

“Okay,” he says after a long while. Jordie’s eyes flick to his. “Try for, um, more.”

Jordie pushes in a little more. It’s easier than before, and then Jordie looks at him, shocked, and Jamie realizes he’s all the way in.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Jordie says, eyelashes fluttering.

“You’re huge,” Jamie says, and Jordie punches out a laugh.

It’s so much. Jamie didn’t expect it to be so much. He feels turned inside out by Jordie being inside of him. He gasps for air, and Jordie leans down to kiss him, his cock doing strange things to Jamie’s insides as he does so.

It doesn’t get easier to take, exactly. But it does get better, as Jordie starts to move: tiny movements that shake Jamie’s whole body. Jamie clings to Jordie’s arms and rocks with him until it finally starts feeling so good that he’s rocking against him, pushing for more from every thrust. His mouth is open and his cock iron-hard between their stomachs and he could maybe do this forever. Or maybe that would be too much, because the way Jordie is looking at him—

Jamie comes without expecting to: his orgasm punched out him, his own hand squeezing tightly on his cock as Jordie rears back and shudders. Jordie thrusting into his ass during his orgasm feels like being dragged down into the surf by the undertow, scraped over sand and tumbled by the waves but it’s okay because it’s Jordie and Jamie knows he’ll come up with his head above the water. And then he does, to the sight of Jordie shaking and collapsing next to him, sweat-soaked and panting.

“Jesus,” Jordie says feebly.

Jordie’s cock is still inside of him. Jamie clenches down on it a tiny bit, and Jordie moans and bats at him and Jamie giggles.

Jordie slits an eye open. Then they’re kissing again, mouths hot on each other and arms winding around bodies.

“That was,” Jordie says, no more words after that, just kisses, and Jamie knows the feeling. Jamie knows exactly the feeling.

He doesn’t want to leave Jordie’s room when it’s getting close to time. He never wants to leave, really, but today he feels it extra hard, pain in his skin and muscles and bones at the idea of getting up and not touching Jordie anymore.

“What if I stay,” he whispers into the space between them, while Jordie’s hand traces patterns on his back and Jamie’s skin sings. “What if I never leave.”

Jordie meets his eyes, his own dark and serious. “Someday,” he promises. “Someday we’ll figure out how to make that happen.”

A few minutes after that, Jamie does have to get up and clean himself off and get dressed and leave. But it’s okay; he can do it; it only hurts a little, because he has that promise to keep him going.

_Someday._ Someday they can have this, for real.

**Author's Note:**

> And then they grow up and meet Tyler Seguin and it just gets better from there. :DDD


End file.
